4 Indicators That You Should Take No Action
For 15 years, my wedding set was in a dusty box in storage. The diamond had fallen out and instead of getting it
repaired, I boxed it up for “someday.” My rings have an unusual history, and I knew nothing about the diamond. Lack of knowledge led to all sorts of questions:
-Was it really a diamond?
-Could my ring be repaired or would I need a new one?
-Was my diamond nice enough to merit the expense?
-How could I be sure an unethical jeweler wouldn’t steal my diamond and replace it with glass? Would I be able to tell?
I really had hoped to get the ring fixed for our 10th wedding anniversary, and took it to a jeweler a colleague recommended. He said he couldn’t tell me anything about the ring because it was too close to Christmas and he wasn’t doing any appraisals. I explained I didn’t really want a formal appraisal, and asked my questions. He said the setting could not be fixed and that I’d have to buy a new one, but still wouldn’t tell me anything about the diamond.
That made me sad because the engagement ring and wedding band are a set. Also, the settings the jeweler showed me were EXPENSIVE. So, the rings stayed in their dusty storage box.
My rings had belonged to my mom, and so were sentimental for several reasons: my mom died in a car accident when I was 16, so anything of hers feels important; my parents had a strong and happy marriage, and the rings are a symbol of that; and last but not least, they represent my own happy marriage.
Now, I have a friend who owns a jewelry store. We haven’t been friends for too long, and I only recently felt comfortable enough with her to ask about getting my ring fixed. When I did finally ask, she said, “Of course!” and was flabbergasted that the other jeweler told me it couldn’t be. She said he probably was just trying to sell an expensive setting. I also found out that my diamond is about 1/3 of a carat and almost perfect. She repaired it and it now lives happily on my left hand.
It took 10 years to reach this outcome. Ten years during which I just kept it put away and thought about it occasionally, wondering what I should do – try to save and buy a new setting or find another jeweler for a second opinion? In the meantime, life just kept on flying right by.
Waiting for something to happen regarding my ring turned out to be exactly the right thing to do. My friend not only fixed it, she said that it was a fairly easy fix and that she really enjoyed working on it. She didn’t even charge me for the repair. If I had tried to save the money to buy a new setting, I would have wasted at least $800 and ended up with a wedding set that didn’t even match – a worse outcome by far.
Although there is never any way to tell, sometimes doing nothing is the right thing to do. Of course, sometimes doing nothing will get you evicted or your lights turned off, so deciding when to do nothing is the challenge. In thinking about when I do nothing and it turns out for the best, I’ve identified a few indicators:
1. There are no deadlines. Nothing dire would happen if my ring were never fixed. I would have been sad about it, but our bills would’ve still been paid, our kids still healthy and we would have remained married. When you have a deadline, timely action is required.
2. Multiple decisions could be “right.” There wasn’t just one path to take, nor was one path more clearly visible than the others. Taking my ring to a different jeweler or buying a new setting or doing nothing were all equally appealing for different reasons.
3. No one else was impacted by my inaction. Having my ring on my finger makes me happier than it does anyone else. It makes my dad happy because it brings back fond memories, but he doesn’t look at my hand and smile everyday the way I do. It makes my husband happy because he knows it’s something I wanted, but it wasn’t important to him either way. When you are the only one that either taking action or not will impact, then you have the freedom to do nothing without worrying about it.
4. There is no guilt associated with inaction. Many times my actions are based on how bad I will feel if I don’t take them. For example, I will feel bad if I don’t put away my clean laundry. So I do, and that is pretty much the only reason I do. No one else cares if my clothes are put away but me. I didn’t feel guilty about my ring though, and in fact, if I had spent a large amount of money on it, I probably would have felt at least a little guilty.
Have you ever put off taking action and had a better outcome because of it? Do you have a way of knowing when you should do something and when you should back off?
I generally only put off the things that have worse outcomes because I put it off.
That’s normally how it is for us procrastinators, Tyler. But I’m making the case here that every now and then it is a GOOD thing to put stuff off. It may just take you 10-15 years to realize it
Great job identifying these indicators, Dava. On the flip side, I find that my clients need to be watchful for a pattern of putting off taking action. “Analysis Paralysis”, when one is faced with too much research, too many options, or a “funny feeling” about what will happen if the wrong decision is made, can keep someone at a standstill for years.
If it’s just one or two things, and they fit the criteria you set out, that’s fine. But when people find that they are avoiding making decisions and/or taking actions in multiple areas of their lives, then it becomes a chronic problem.
But you’re right, sometimes no action is fine. When I moved to Chattanooga, I sold my beloved overstuffed sofa because it would be almost impossible to move into my new apartment, given the measurements of both the sofa and the interior access points. I searched for months, shopping at every furniture store in Chattanooga and Cleveland, but never found something that satisfied me. At first, I was frustrated with myself, but eventually I came to the happy realization that I really didn’t want a new couch. Instead, I bought a comfy papasan and made greater use of my rocking chair. Maybe someday, I’ll get a sofa, but right now, I’m quite happy the decision I made was to do nothing at all.
Part of the reason I wrote this post was because it was such a revelation that sometimes I don’t need to do anything at all. I spend so much energy guarding against analysis paralysis and making sure that I am taking steps to reach my goals that seeing a specific instance when doing nothing was better than doing something was a surprise. Wouldn’t it be nice to know in advance so that we could avoid feeling frustrated, like you were with the sofa? By the way, when my kids move out, our couch is so gone! I’ve hated having one for years. They make rearranging furniture at pain!