Let me first get a couple of things out of the way:

1. This post is for people who own very small businesses. It is not about brands, corporations, or conglomerates.

2. If you have a Facebook profile (where you must send and accept friend requests) with a name like “Sister Sue’s Cafe” you are doing it wrong and you need to hire someone to help you build a Page for your business ASAP. Call me. I’ll refer you to someone good.

3. This is my opinion and reflects my experience. I have done no studies, have no scientific or statistical evidence to back anything I say, and am offering advice from my own perspective.

Whew. Now that’s all out there, we can get on with things. I have a page for Smiling Tree Writing on Facebook. I mostly publish links to posts from this

blog there, but sometimes offer writing tips or let loose with rants about poor grammar. I also have a personal Facebook profile, which is for family,  friends, spying on my kids, keeping up with people I barely remember from school, and even for playing Words with Friends now and then.

For a while, I worried every time someone I know through my work as a writer sent me a friend request on Facebook. I don’t have lists set up, so pretty much everything I post is visible to all of my connections. Sometimes, in status updates, I curse. Sometimes I post links to political articles. Sometimes I make jokes that only certain people get. I even torture my Facebook friends with poetry once in awhile. How would a prospective client feel about that stuff?

So, I tried to direct people to my business page rather than my personal profile. But it really didn’t work. Past clients sent me referrals – to my personal page. People I met at networking events sent me friend requests. Past colleagues did, too.

Finally, I came to a decision: Accept their requests, and let them see the “real” dava – honest opinions, bad photos, silly poems and all. I still suggest that people “like” my professional page, but I don’t turn them away from my personal profile.

I’m not great at “sales” in the sort of stereotypical sense of the word. I am good at building relationships, though, and that ability helps me find and keep clients. As it turns out, one of the most important parts of building relationships is allowing people to get to know you. Allowing clients, prospects, and others from my professional life see a bit of my personal life through Facebook is a pretty simple way to let them know me.

This probably goes against every bit of expert advice you have ever read or heard. You’re probably remembering how many times people you respect have exhorted you to use the privacy settings on Facebook, to use business pages for business and to keep personal stuff personal. There are a few reasons ignoring all of that has worked for me:

1. I own my own business. I do not have a boss who will read something on my Facebook profile and be offended. I cannot injure the reputation of any company except my own.

2. Similarly, I get to decide with whom I do business. If a client says ugly things about one of my poems, I can fire them. I probably wouldn’t, but the knowledge that I could makes me feel better about the situation.

3. Part of the reason I love what I do is that I get to be me – fully and totally dava. I spent years trying to suppress parts of my personality, or trying to be more like others in order to fit into various work cultures, and it never worked for me.

4. While I post relatively frequently on Facebook, I do think about each post. I have never (and hopefully will never) posted a personal tirade in the heat of the moment. I may have taken part in a few online debates, but you can be sure I considered every word carefully. While I am open about my opinions and thoughts and to some extent, my emotions, on Facebook, I am also a little cautious.

It works for me. I am Facebook friends with at least 5 or 6 clients. If any of them are offended by my opinions or they don’t like what they have learned about my personal life, it hasn’t stopped any of them from continuing to send me work.

Do you mix personal and professional on Facebook? Do you have barriers in place so that your professional contacts only see some things you post? Do you  have any Facebook/work horror stories?

 

 

 

 

 

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You know those people who never quit smiling? Who sugar coat even the worst news and serve it up with a vacant mask of a smile? Those people are just icky. Equally intolerable, though, are the ones who  always expect the worse, can’t stand kids or puppies, have innumerable health problems that they don’t mind talking about, hate their jobs and their spouses – should they be so lucky – and whine about how they just don’t have any good luck, ever.

 

Most of us fall in the middle of the miserable to happy spectrum and tend to lean to one side more one day than the next. In my life, I’ve been lucky to know two people who were able to gently remind everyone around them to look on the bright side. One was my mom and the other my aunt Betty. They were sisters-in-law, and passed away years apart, but both of them had amazingly wonderful attitudes without being falsely cheerful.

 

The world is a less shiny place without the two of them in it, but they did leave some lasting reminders to pay attention to the good stuff. People share their favorite stories about those who are gone and a couple that I’ve been told about these two cross my mind regularly. Stories about Mary Ann and Betty almost always bring smiles, just like the two of them did in actuality.

 

My mom and one of her friends, Nancy, had been shopping one afternoon and were on their way home.  Nancy said that as they were riding

along, she was complaining about all the stuff everyone always complains about – kids, bills, work, all the things that make life hard. It was right at sunset and my mom interrupted her to say, “Would you just look at that sunset? Have you ever seen anything so pretty? Wow. Just look at that!” We lived on a mountain, so no doubt, the view of the sunset really was stunning. Nancy told me that now, every time she catches herself complaining, she thinks about that day and remembers to look up and see what kind of amazing beauty she is missing.

 

Just yesterday, someone told me that Betty gave her a similar reminder. Our entire family, probably 60 or more people, took a camping trip to Dauphin Island one year on Easter weekend. A trip like that is rare for us – in fact, it’s the only one I remember – so it was really special. Nellie, another aunt, said that she got up on Saturday morning, and walked to the bathhouse with Betty, complaining about how her tooth brush got flattened in her bag, how a pine cone poked her through the tent floor all night, how yukky showering in a bathhouse is, and on and on. Betty looked at her and laughed and said, “Well, Nellie, you’re just not a happy camper today, are you?” Nellie said just that simple question reminded her of how nice it was to be with her family, at the beach, camping with a bathhouse and everything else that was good about that moment.

 

Right now is an easy time to be angry. Most of us have something to legitimately complain about. The ridiculousness of the United States congress, the insanity of the stock market, the fear of a “double dip” recession, and so many more events happening all over the world have many of us on edge. If your business is down, your income is down, and it’s possible that your attitude is down, too – with good reason.

 

While I don’t suggest that you slap a fake smile on or pretend to feel something you do not, I do firmly believe that your business will benefit if you take some time everyday to appreciate the good stuff. When you do your work fully cognizant of the beauty all around you, every person you interact with notices. It is seriously doubtful that either Mary Ann or Betty was aware of the lasting lessons they taught us just by being themselves.

 

Small talk is inevitable. What does yours say about you? Are you fearful or angry? Do you have a positive outlook that your customers or prospects can pick up on and feel good about? No matter how tough things are there are still sunsets to appreciate.

 

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For one much too short summer, there were 5 or 6 friends who hung out at my house pretty much all the time. My children were small and we had a “kiddie pool” in the front yard. You know the type: inflatable, about 2 feet deep, big enough for 3 or 4 smallish adults or 4 or 5  kids.

For that whole summer my friends and I made our children to take turns with us in the pool. Sometimes it was “Adult Swim” time and sometimes it was “Kiddie Swim” time. There was a sandbox and tons of outside toys for the kids when it was adult swim time.  When it was kiddie swim time, the moms sat in the sunshine and did all sorts of fun craft projects.

That summer I didn’t have to worry about work; I was teaching and it was one of very few summers in my life when I had some free time and no worries about employment. It was awesome.

With time, all of the women that spent time at my house that summer moved away or got married or had children of their own – or more children – or some combination of the three. Although I still consider all of them friends, none of us spend anywhere near as much time together as we did that year.

A few days ago, one of those old friends called me. She was experiencing some problems and needed someone to talk to. I can’t even describe how glad it made me to be the someone that she called.  Even though I wasn’t sure how to advise her and didn’t really have any words of wisdom to offer, it was a pleasure to be the person she called when she needed to talk.

The topic of this blog is inspiration and motivation and it is utterly astounding that it hasn’t occurred to me to write a post about friendship before now.  Good friends offer greater inspiration than almost anything else. Of course, when it comes down to it we are each responsible for getting up and making things happen everyday, but knowing your friends are going to be with you along the way sure does make it better.

Thanks to all of my good friends. It’s good to know you.

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At first glance, the last few weeks have been ordinary, run-of-the-mill, normal weeks. Upon closer consideration the last month or so has just been packed with one good reason followed by another to keep doing what needs to be done and wearing a smile.

Here are just a few of the things that have motivated and inspired me lately:

Good friends I don’t see often came to visit and looked really happy. Online and phone conversations can only go so far in reassuring me that everything really is okay. Seeing four tired but happy kids and two smiling adults did the trick.

 I’ve met a couple of people in the past month, both through my writing business. One I would already call a friend and another has plenty of “friend potential.” For the last two years or so, opening and expanding my social circle has been a personal goal, so having two new friends feels pretty good.

I’ve had writing work to do. A few days ago, Naomi Dunford wrote a post on Ittybiz about the difference between hungry people and starving people. Even though I sometimes complain about the constraints of a 9-5 job and dream about the day I can work when and where I want, that job allows me to be hungry. It’s good to have a steady thing, and that is probably the reason I fall in the “hungry” category.

Today, my nearly-grown-child agreed to go for a walk/jog with me. And that was really cool because neither of my kids ever go with me even though I ask almost everyday. But she went and insisted I try skipping instead of jogging. Is it possible to skip and not feel happy? Her energy and exhuberence is a gift to the world.

Spring is here. Every year, as the fields start to turn a dazzling, emerald green, then the color starts to creep upward until the trees are lush and green, too, I feel something inside relax. It’s as if a tightly coiled spring in me begins to loosen. The windows are open to spring breezes, coats are back in closets and ahhhhhhh…..

I have stuff to learn. Obviously, there is always stuff to learn. Having a reason to learn is great motivation, though. An immediate way to apply whatever it is you’re learning helps cement your skills. At the moment, I have plenty of skills to acquire and sharpen.

All of this makes it sound like the past month or so has just been breezy for me. But really, it’s pretty much been a garden variety month with normal ups, downs and flats. The difference is being attuned to and appreciative of the good stuff. There will surely be bad days ahead – but just as surely, more good stuff will happen.

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