Perhaps you stepped on the scale and saw a number that made you want to cry. Maybe your bank account can’t support a food habit, your three best clients quit you, your significant other left you, or some other heart-rending, life-changing event has occurred. Or, maybe NOTHING has happened and that is the problem.

Whatever is making you feel like a crumpled paper towel left at the bottom of the trash can, it’s not a fun way to feel, and once you find yourself in a downward spiral it can be extremely difficult to make necessary changes and get yourself rotating in the right direction. Even thinking about that word, “changes,” can increase the speed of your descent. It’s just so overwhelming.

I’ve found myself in that unhappy spiral, rapidly spinning toward some unseen, terrifying “bottom” more than once. In fact, since I have a pretty active and detail-oriented imagination, it happens almost weekly. I imagine

tripping, stubbing my toe, developing gangrene, having my leg amputated, not being able to exercise, gaining a hundred pounds, developing diabetes and heart disease, not having health insurance, declaring bankruptcy, losing my house and car, and living on the streets until I die in a ditch of a heart attack. Or something like that.

When these scenarios start playing in my mind, they multiply like cobwebs on the ceiling, getting thicker and nastier by the minute. Obviously, since I continue to get out of bed and go on living most days, I’ve figured out how to stop the madness and carry on. Okay, it would be more accurate to say I’ve figured out how to muffle the madness. It never really stops. I won’t lie to you and say that it does.

The first step is to take a shower and put on real clothes. It’s certainly acceptable, maybe even advisable, to spend a day here and there, now and then, just wearing your jammies and laying around. When you grumble because you are being forced to put on pants more than once a week or so, you should probably start forcing yourself to get dressed daily for a while. And if someone mentions that they are a little worried about you because you seem to have stopped brushing your hair, it might be a good idea to take a look in a mirror.

Once you are clean, and dressed, the rest is easy. Just do one tiny thing to improve your situation. When my house is a mess, I sweep the floor. It’s amazing how much difference a swept floor makes. When I feel like my business is failing, I write one blog post, send one email, or make one phone call. Just do one little thing.

Doing one small thing might not fix whatever your problem is, and you might feel like all you are doing is throwing a teaspoon of water on a raging fire, but then again, doing that one thing could make you feel better. When you get right down to it, that’s what you need as you imagine yourself tumbling toward failure – you need to feel better.

Once you feel a tiny bit better, you can go on to choosing a second tiny thing to do, but when you feel crushed by the weight of all those tasks waiting for you, don’t think about them. Just choose one and take care of it. If you can’t do anything else, that’s okay, you can choose another small thing for later, or even for tomorrow. But eventually, you are going to want to do a second small thing, and then – surprise! – you are spinning in the right direction again.

 

 

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A couple of days ago, I came across a list of companies owned by Monsanto on Facebook. The person who put it together wanted it to be a sort of easy-reference sheet for people to print off and take shopping with them so that they can boycott Monsanto. I did something I rarely do – I shared the list without looking at it very closely. Within minutes, one of my Facebook friends commented about how at least one of the companies listed (Coca-Cola) is not owned by Monsanto. Then he posted several status updates advising activists on what not to do – and I have to say that each of his points was well-justified.

The whole thing made me think, though, about where I stand when it comes to “activism” and whether or not it makes any difference where I spend my dollars. (It really, really doesn’t. I don’t have that

many dollars to spend.) I realized that my approach is probably a little different than most people’s. Rather than boycott Monsanto, I try to support smaller companies. When I think of Monsanto, I think of seeds because they control and unbelievable number of seeds. Since I plant seeds every spring, and don’t like Monsanto’s tactics, I try to be aware of where my seeds come from. I search the internet for retailers that explain how they obtain their stock. I look for very small growers who harvest their seeds themselves.

In other words, instead of thinking about withholding money from Monsanto, which wouldn’t make a bit of difference anyway, I try to spend money with independent retailers.

But. This is not a post about Monsanto. (Fooled you, didn’t I?) This is a post about how thinking about things just a little differently can become happier, more successful, and more beautiful. Well, that last one might be a stretch, but you can definitely approach the world in a more relaxed way, thereby causing fewer stress-related wrinkles, which would make you more beautiful, right?

Just a slight change of perspective can make a big difference when it comes to lots of issues or problems. I am not an over-the-top, perky, optimistic kind of person, but looking for the most positive perspective in some situations really helps me avoid the deep, dark abyss of depression:

1. Deciding how you want to spend time, instead of bemoaning having to spend time doing some things you don’t want to do.

Instead of thinking about how much I don’t want to clean the fridge, or send invoices, I think about the run I will enjoy after those things are done. This can be a really important, life-changing shift in perspective. It’s pretty much how I ended up running Smiling Tree. I resented spending the majority of my day in an office in my last job, and could only think about marketing to potential freelance customers when I got home. Eventually I realized the only sane thing to do would be to build a plan that would allow me to spend most of my time freelancing. I got laid off before that plan was fully realized, but it was in place and I was working towards quitting my job by then.

2. Create a “done” list instead of a “to do” list.

About once a week or so, I will not go through my morning ritual of list-making while oatmeal-eating. On those days, I will jot down tasks throughout the day as I complete them. Sometimes this doesn’t work because it’s easy lose my way without a list to refer to. More often, though, I end up with a nice, long list of completed chores and a sense of satisfaction – by 2pm or so. There is definitely something appealing about crossing things off a list, but taking the time to notice just how much you get done in the space of a few hours is nice, too. Plus, my “to do” lists grow as quickly as I cross things off and seeing a “to do” list grow doesn’t feel nearly as good as seeing a “done” list grow.

3. During a negotiation, or an argument, take note of what you both agree on, rather than focusing solely on what you disagree on.

If you are arguing with a spouse, your kid, or some other immediate family member, it might be impossible for you to admit there is a single thing in the world that you agree on. Other than in those situations, though, you can almost always find common ground to use as a starting point. When you examine areas of agreement, sometimes you find paths around sticking points. Changing your perspective often activates your creativity, helping you come up with unexpected solutions.

4. Purposefully change your physical environment.

Turn your desk around. Stand up and work. Go outside for awhile. Open (or close) your blinds or curtains for a day. Wear your pajamas all day, or if you are more like me, force yourself to get dressed every morning for a week. You might not notice it right away, but changes in your environment can make a huge difference in your perspective and attitude. I have a heating pad in my desk chair, that warms up my lower back. I turn it on just about every morning while I have coffee and oatmeal. It really changes my morning outlook. Instead of thinking about how ridiculous it is that my back hurts when I get up, I think about how nice and warm that heating pad is. Since I’ve been using it, I tend to get started on working quicker in the morning. Maybe there’s no correlation, but maybe there is.

5. Choose one small thing you can do, and quit thinking about all the things you cannot do.

I cannot fit driving for 20 minutes one way, three times a week, to take a one hour kickboxing class into my schedule. I have to work. I’d really love to take a kickboxing class because it looks like so much fun. I could use the fact that I can’t fit my preferred activity in my schedule as an excuse to do no activity. Instead I look for functional strength work out videos (which generally last 15-30 minutes) on the internet. Burpees and pushups are not as much fun as I imagine kickboxing would be, but they aren’t awful, and they get me out of my chair. There are all sorts of things we cannot do, but if you find something that you can do, and do it, your perspective will move a little more toward the positive end of the scale.

 

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You know those people who never quit smiling? Who sugar coat even the worst news and serve it up with a vacant mask of a smile? Those people are just icky. Equally intolerable, though, are the ones who  always expect the worse, can’t stand kids or puppies, have innumerable health problems that they don’t mind talking about, hate their jobs and their spouses – should they be so lucky – and whine about how they just don’t have any good luck, ever.

 

Most of us fall in the middle of the miserable to happy spectrum and tend to lean to one side more one day than the next. In my life, I’ve been lucky to know two people who were able to gently remind everyone around them to look on the bright side. One was my mom and the other my aunt Betty. They were sisters-in-law, and passed away years apart, but both of them had amazingly wonderful attitudes without being falsely cheerful.

 

The world is a less shiny place without the two of them in it, but they did leave some lasting reminders to pay attention to the good stuff. People share their favorite stories about those who are gone and a couple that I’ve been told about these two cross my mind regularly. Stories about Mary Ann and Betty almost always bring smiles, just like the two of them did in actuality.

 

My mom and one of her friends, Nancy, had been shopping one afternoon and were on their way home.  Nancy said that as they were riding

along, she was complaining about all the stuff everyone always complains about – kids, bills, work, all the things that make life hard. It was right at sunset and my mom interrupted her to say, “Would you just look at that sunset? Have you ever seen anything so pretty? Wow. Just look at that!” We lived on a mountain, so no doubt, the view of the sunset really was stunning. Nancy told me that now, every time she catches herself complaining, she thinks about that day and remembers to look up and see what kind of amazing beauty she is missing.

 

Just yesterday, someone told me that Betty gave her a similar reminder. Our entire family, probably 60 or more people, took a camping trip to Dauphin Island one year on Easter weekend. A trip like that is rare for us – in fact, it’s the only one I remember – so it was really special. Nellie, another aunt, said that she got up on Saturday morning, and walked to the bathhouse with Betty, complaining about how her tooth brush got flattened in her bag, how a pine cone poked her through the tent floor all night, how yukky showering in a bathhouse is, and on and on. Betty looked at her and laughed and said, “Well, Nellie, you’re just not a happy camper today, are you?” Nellie said just that simple question reminded her of how nice it was to be with her family, at the beach, camping with a bathhouse and everything else that was good about that moment.

 

Right now is an easy time to be angry. Most of us have something to legitimately complain about. The ridiculousness of the United States congress, the insanity of the stock market, the fear of a “double dip” recession, and so many more events happening all over the world have many of us on edge. If your business is down, your income is down, and it’s possible that your attitude is down, too – with good reason.

 

While I don’t suggest that you slap a fake smile on or pretend to feel something you do not, I do firmly believe that your business will benefit if you take some time everyday to appreciate the good stuff. When you do your work fully cognizant of the beauty all around you, every person you interact with notices. It is seriously doubtful that either Mary Ann or Betty was aware of the lasting lessons they taught us just by being themselves.

 

Small talk is inevitable. What does yours say about you? Are you fearful or angry? Do you have a positive outlook that your customers or prospects can pick up on and feel good about? No matter how tough things are there are still sunsets to appreciate.

 

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For years, we hosted a weekly Pizza Night. On Monday nights, we ordered pizza, had company over and generally started the week off with a small party. For a few months it was even “Pizza, PBR and a Published Work,” where we traded books, drank beer and ate pizza. It was awesome.

 

Things changed. People moved away, children grew up and life pretty much went on. These days, Pizza Night is usually my husband eating pizza while I have a salad and our kids are at work. It’s a far quieter and less interesting affair than in the past. Last night, however, some friends who have moved away joined us for Pizza Night as a final “hoorah!” at the end of a week-long visit. LOTS of people came over to bid them farewell and enjoy some pizza.

 

It’s amazing how things change and how you adjust without even realizing it. Sometimes, thinking about how our weekly pizza extravaganza has become more of a time for quietly watching “Antiques Roadshow” I feel sad. Or maybe old is how I feel. Either way, it’s a nostalgic and wistful and not really happy kind of feeling.

 

But, during the festivities last night, I found myself missing the silence and ease of our new Monday night ritual. It’s not that I wished everyone would leave, but more that I felt relieved that it was the exception to the rule. It seems I have unwittingly adjusted to a different normal.

 

It’s amazing how that happens – how you can get used to, and even come to enjoy, things that seemed awful to you at a different stage of life. Or, conversely, how things you once loved can become burdensome.

 

My career is not at all what I ever dreamed it would be, but that’s okay, because it’s much better than anything I ever hoped for. When you can let go of any sort of preconceived expectations and begin to think about what feels right for YOU, life takes funny turns. You have to be willing to work hard, see things through and be nice to people for those turns to lead you somewhere pleasant, but choosing the proverbial road less traveled is both surprising and fulfilling.

 

Accepting the fact that life changes is sometimes difficult for me, but I am working hard to learn that there are almost always bright gems of happiness wrapped up those changes. It’s so easy to focus on the things that you must give up rather than recognizing the unexpected positive aspects of a new situation.

 

With the entire world seeing an enormous shift in where and how people work, many friends and family members are finding themselves without employment. So many people see losing a job as a huge crisis because all they can think of is the loss of a “steady” paycheck. The loss of a job can also be an opportunity to evaluate, and perhaps improve, your professional life. Not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur, but we could all stand to think hard about how we earn money once in a while.

 

Change is scary. No matter if it’s a change in income, status, housing, friendship or livelihood, when the unknown is involved, fear probably is too. The surprising, and lovely, thing is: One day you might find yourself blissfully happy and look around and think “How did this happen?”

 

 

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Today I had the great pleasure of listening to a webinar put on by Sonia Simone, Brian Clark and Chris Garret that was part of a series called Authority Rules. Today’s talk was all about attracting the right traffic to your site or blog. Since I am a fan of pretty much anything Copyblogger does, I thoroughly enjoyed the entire webinar, but toward the end Sonia suggested an exercise that I think most of my clients would benefit from completing – writing out a description of your ideal customer.

 

When you start a business, your ideal customer is one that will pay you. I know this because I’ve been there. I’ve chased after all sorts of business that I probably should have ignored

even if they flashed thousands of dollars in my face. A bad fit can be even more painful in business than in shoes.

 

You can save yourself some grief by directing all of your marketing, writing and efforts toward your fictional, but perfect, customer.

 

Clearly, you should not deny doing business with someone because they don’t fit that description exactly, but if they don’t fit it at all….well, you should probably run. Just like you can get by just fine wearing those extra hot high heels out to dinner but not for dancing, you can get by just fine working with people who are not your ideal in some situations.

 

Since it is sometimes better to show than to tell, I am going to write out the description of my “dream” client here, as an example of the kinds of details you should think about when completing this exercise yourself.

 

My ideal client is Jake. Jake is a farmer who is passionate about food, food safety and changing the way our food supply is created and distributed. He isn’t trying to put Wal-Mart out of business, but he does think people should have a choice about where they purchase their food.

 

Jake is 38 years old, and has been in business for 9 years. His farm has a CSA program and he sells his produce, meat and eggs at farmers’ markets and through a small stand on his own property as well. Jake is running his farm, his CSA, his farm stand and also doing all of the marketing required himself. While his business is growing, he foresees a time in the near future when he will not be able to grow anymore simply because of time constraints.

 

Jake is married and has a small daughter. He likes his family and would like to spend at least a little time with them. He has decided it’s time to find some help. Since Jake’s least favorite thing is marketing and writing, he has decided to hire someone to help in those areas.

 

Jake is comfortable with computing. He understands that Facebook is an important way to stay in touch with some of his customers. He has been writing a blog, but erratically. He has sent out a couple of email newsletters and isn’t sure if that is an effective tool for him. Jake knows what SEO is and realizes the importance of web design. He has worked with a professional developer.

 

He doesn’t know it, but Jake has already put together a lose marketing strategy. He just needs help in executing and expanding it. He is willing to invest the necessary money on a monthly basis to make sure his Facebook Page is active and interesting, blog is updated, his newsletter goes out, and that his customers are happy to hear from him.  He wants to build a community around his farm, both online and offline.

 

So there you are.  My ideal customer fits like a pair of fuzzy slippers in January. What about you? Are you clients like expensive, gorgeous shoes that rub blisters on your feet or more like the best sneakers ever?

 

 

 

 

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