New Year’s Day falls at a crummy time. It’s cold out, I’m broke from over-spending at Christmas, and worn out from all the holiday hoopla. Also, just about every blog post or article you happen across during the month of January seems to be about setting and reaching goals. It gets boring.

For me, the time to think about goals is on (or near) my birthday, which just happens to be in the spring, and since spring is a time of rebirth, new goals seem especially fitting.

A few years ago, I made a list of “by the time I’m 40″ goals. While I’m not quite there yet, that milestone is looming larger. This year, I reviewed my progress on those “by 40″ goals, and for the most part was pleasantly surprised. One of them was to be working for myself, and I’m doing that. Another was to be in a less-precarious financial position, and though there is always room for improvement, our electricity bill has been paid on time for the last few months, so I feel pretty good about progress in that area.

There is one “by 40″ goal that I’m not making the kind of progress I expected, though. I have been working to become more physically fit for several years because I plan to be the fittest I have ever been within a year. From

nutrition to strength to endurance, I want my body to be in tip-top shape. When I listed this as a goal I thought “That shouldn’t be too difficult. I’ve never been in really great shape.” Alas, it has been harder than expected.

Over the last few years, I’ve made substantial, positive dietary changes and started running on a regular basis, so I have taken steps in the right direction. There are just more steps than I thought, so it’s time to start moving a little faster. I’m not going to bore the world with a breakdown of my work out plans for the next year. I am going to offer some observations about the ways my fitness-related goals and my business-related goals seem to be synergistic. (Ha! There’s my addition to the list of annoying, pretentious business words!)

1. Increased confidence. Feeling physically strong makes me braver when it comes to talking to people. While it may (or may not) be true that slimmer people are more successful statistically than chubbier people, the confidence I gain from feeling strong doesn’t have anything to do with looks. I think it has more to do with endorphins. Or maybe I subconsciously think that if I can run 5 miles, I can also talk to some random person about my work. If you find talking to people difficult, try working out just before you go to your next networking event or whatever. (A shower in between is recommended, of course.)

2. Success in one area encourages success in another. There was a time that I thought I needed to focus on my separate goals…well, separately. Now, I see that increasing the distance I can run at the same time I am increasing the number of words I write each day works. It’s like something clicks and everything moves forward at once. There is the danger of overwhelm with this approach, though, so keeping the idea of balance in mind as you march forward important.

3. There’s no reason to wait. No matter what you are putting off, stop putting it off. If you want to run your own business, start finding out what will be involved and make a plan. If you want to run a marathon, start looking at marathon training guides, or find a running group. There really isn’t a valid reason to not do the things you want to do. People who know me are baffled by my desire to become a runner, and there are about 200 million reasons I “can’t” be. But, last Saturday, I completed a 5K without walking – my time was terrible, I finished in the bottom 20, but I met my personal goal, and that is important.

4. Lessons learned are transferable. The challenges that you face when pursuing a goal are going to be similar, regardless of the goal. If you want to travel the world, money might be an issue. It is also an issue if you want to own a house, start a business, join a gym, or even plant a garden. Once you figure out some creative solutions to the challenges surrounding one goal, you will have an easier time when the same problems crop up as you pursue your next goal.

5. People will help you. It’s been interesting to learn how many writers are also runners. Through talking with people about writing, I’ve found lots of encouragement to run. Whether it’s through comments on blog posts, chatter on Twitter, or in-person networking events, professional contacts offer me advice, cheers, and general support in reaching my other goals. Just as you may find that your friends and family can give you guidance in your business endeavors, your colleagues will often support your personal goals.

Others have noticed how reaching one goal can spur you on to reach another. Leo Babauta says that quitting smoking was the “change that put the others in motion.” Peter Bowerman talks about how reaching a goal feels like climbing a mountain, to reach the peak, then seeing another, higher peak, and climbing to reach it, too. He calls it “peak to peak.” For me, though, striving towards multiple goals simultaneously works.

Have you experienced a snowball effect in reaching your goals? Or, do you need find success in one area before you take on another? All of the blooming and new growth outside my window (and my recent birthday) has me pondering not only new goals, but the process of achieving goals. Please share your own observations!

 

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Living in a small community means you often know things about strangers’ lives: who he’s related to, where she works, who her kids hang out with, where else he has worked, and a myriad other odd details. At the same time, you might not really know that person – around here people say, “I know of him.”

My family knew of one man who was a Dollar General cashier. He had another job as well. All four of us had a positive impression of him. He was always friendly and particularly polite. We even know that he lives on our street because we see his truck at a house about a mile away from ours. When we heard that he was fired from his second job for being rude, we were really surprised. We felt it was probably unfair. After awhile, he didn’t work at the Dollar General anymore, but showed up in the convenient store across the street. Again, we felt bad for the guy. He was clearly a hard worker, and willing to do whatever he needed to in order to have a job. Third shift in a convenient store can be a tough gig.

Then, one night, we were headed out of town and needed a bag of ice. We stopped at the store and the friendly cashier was working.

There was a group of teenage boys in line in front of my husband, who really just needed the key to the ice chest (really? people steal ice? geez.). My husband asked for the key. The nice man we thought so well of suddenly turned rude. He refused to give my husband the key, and acted like we were going to steal the ice.

 

Maybe he was afraid he would get in trouble for just handing over the key. Maybe he was worried about the group of teenagers stealing something. Regardless, he didn’t have to be rude. But he was. It ended up taking over 15 minutes for us to buy a $2 bag of ice, and we felt like suspects or something.

That one interaction changed everything we thought about this person. Now instead of saying “the nice cashier who lives down the street,” we say “that weird guy who used to work at the Dollar Store.” After hundreds of positive encounters, this ONE ugly one wiped away our good feelings toward this man. It didn’t have anything to do with customer service, although it was a bad experience on that level, too. What I’m talking about is much more personal.

Now when we run into this guy, or he is our cashier, we feel wary. We don’t know what to expect. Will he be nice? Will he imply we are thieves? How is he feeling that day?

It amazes me that one bad experience can outweigh hundreds of good ones. But, since the night we bought ice, I’ve observed the same sort of thing with other people – you think you have a comfortable – if shallow – relationship with them, then all of a sudden, things aren’t so comfortable.

As the owner of a small business, I’m finding an especially important lesson in these observations. Everyone has “off” days when we are maybe snippier than we realize. It’s scary to think that on one of those not-so-fabulous days I might unwittingly change how a long-term client views me and my business. Some client relationships take months or even years to build, and while I hope that after that much time, both parties would be a little more lenient with judgement, you never know.

Of course, I work hard to make sure my relationships with clients go a little deeper than my relationships with cashiers who work at stores nearby. But in one way it doesn’t really matter. A bad interaction can color the relationship, making it so that either party is looking for the negatives – and that is bad for a service provider who bases her prices partly on providing outstanding overall service.

I’m not sure there is a way to guard against coming across rougher than you intend to once in a while. The best we can do is try to understand when someone else does so in the hopes others will do the same for us. I’m going to try to think of the “weird guy” as a “nice guy” again, and just imagine that he was having a bad day and that he didn’t really think we would steal the ice.

Have you ever had one incident change the nature of a sales or customer oriented relationship?

 

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For the last three years or so, I’ve been having breakfast with my grandfather a few times a week. When I told him I was not going to be looking for another “real job” after getting laid off, he approved and told me that it is possible to work for yourself, but it takes a lot of discipline. He was a first class mechanic, with specialized knowledge about hydraulics and welding machines. Even though he hasn’t taken on any jobs at all during the last few years, people still call occasionally and ask for his advice.

A few days ago, he went into a little more detail about why he chose to work for himself, despite the fact he was offered several tempting jobs. He said:

I was convinced that not knowing how much money I would make the next week was the best way to accumulate the things I wanted. And it worked. I did.

This is a whole new way to look at the idea of “feast or famine.” Most people see the cycle of making plenty of money and making almost no money as a barrier to running a business, an aspect of entrepreneurship to fret about and to try to avoid. My papaw raised five children and had many adventures and not only didn’t mind the booms and busts of running a business, but looked at those cycles as an advantage.

He went on to explain that if you know you are going to earn $300 next week, you will probably spend $298, but if you aren’t sure how much you will earn next week, you will most likely hold on to more of your money, just in case. Modern day experts tell you to build an emergency fund, but very few people ever tell you that the specter of a bad week or a bad month could be the way to riches.

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Lately, my family has been doing quite a bit of traveling by car.We have pretty much covered the southeast from Florida to Kentucky. Since I hate to drive and my husband loves it, all this travel has given me lots of time to read. My kids got me an iPad for Christmas (yes, they are fabulous, wonderful children) and I’ve been doing almost all of my reading on it. 

 

I devour books, at a rate of about 2 a week. If I were downloading the NY Times Bestseller List, I would be spending a ridiculous amount of money. As my budget does not have an unlimited amount set aside for books, I try to stick with the less expensive, or most often, free books that are available through iBooks or Amazon’s Kindle Store. Reading all these freebies has some pros, and of course, some cons.

 

The Pros

Did I mention that there are FREE books available? Lots of them. The writers give them away for all kinds of different reasons. Elizabeth Mock, one of my earliest “finds” is writing a trilogy, so at some point made the first book free. I downloaded it, loved it and will certainly be purchasing the second volume when it is finished. So, marketing is one big reason.

 

I also recently read a couple of books by A. Sparrow, who says that his/her (the writer does not indicate gender) books are free so that they can be shared. From A. Sparrow’s Goodreads profile: “I write because I must. I have no commercial ambitions.” So, simply sharing stories is another reason writers choose to give away their work. Pedagogy, bringing attention to older works and all sorts of other reasons give writers motivation to share their work freely.

 

Writing reviews helps aspiring and struggling writers. If, as in the cases of DW St. John, Carlos Aleman, Justin Kemppainen, I really enjoy a story and can write a raving review, then I am helping these writers let the world know about their work. I may not have a huge reach, but I’m active on Goodreads and I have lots of friends who like to read so maybe a couple of people will read their work because of my good reviews. That’s a nice feeling.

 

One thing that writers struggle with is marketing. Many of them have other jobs besides writing and limited time to spend promoting their work. Also, marketing can be expensive, so a good review is both a nice ego booster and an inexpensive, powerful marketing tool. It’s the least I can do – if the story is any good.

 

When books are free I read all sorts of things I might not otherwise read. I like stories. All kinds of stories. Gory horror is not appealing, and moralistic tales annoy me, but otherwise it would be tough to name a genre I don’t like. From mysteries to science fiction to kid lit, I like just about any kind of fiction if it’s well written.

 

Even with an openness to reading all kinds of stuff, I’m finding things that I wouldn’t otherwise find. It’s fun to choose something because it’s vaguely interesting then realize you love it. It’s even more fun to have so much variety in your library that you can read a mafia story one day, a romance the next and an urban fantasy after that.

 

Reading a free ebook feels almost like a writers’ workshop. Or, at least it does in my head. When I’m reading a free book, my expectations are almost automatically lowered. I know that the writer probably didn’t hire a professional editor or proofreader if they are giving their work away, so I expect mistakes, typos and even ragged plot lines. I notice those things and make all sorts of suggestions and notes in my mind as I am reading. Because I have always like writers’ workshops and peer reviews reading work that feels a little unfinished is appealing to me.

 

The Cons

 

Reading a free ebook feels almost like a writers’ workshop. Yeah, I know it was just a pro, but it’s a con, too. Sometimes I just want to read for fun and if my brain is busy noticing problems or mistakes I can’t relax and really enjoy the story. If the story is really bad, I find myself tense and angry after reading for a little while – quite the opposite of what I’m going for when I open a book.

 

It is especially aggravating to read a book that is almost really good. It drives me crazy if I think someone just sent their first draft to Smashwords and I’m left to try and figure out what they are attempting to do with a story. Please, just give it to a few friends (and maybe even a respected enemy or two) before you send it out into the world as a finished product. Being just the teensiest bit compulsive, it’s almost impossible for me to NOT finish a book once I’ve started it. My family gets very annoyed when I complain incessantly about how bad a story is but continue reading it anyway.

 

“Good” becomes relative. If you read a whole lot of bad writing, then come across something that is slightly better than average, it might seem like it is GREAT. Just like if you haven’t eaten all day and suddenly realize you are ravenously hungry at 8 pm, a Saltine cracker might taste like the finest gourmet food available.

 

If I say a book is worthy of reading, I’d like to think that it’s not because the book I read just before should not have ever existed. Hopefully, if I say a book is worth reading, it’s because the story is intriguing, original or informative. It bugs me to think that my opinions are being formed by reading the stuff that, during another time, might have been on the bottom of the sludge pile.

 

My expectations are automatically lower. If a book is free, I figure there’s something wrong with it. This figuring happens at a subconscious level, but it’s there. I don’t expect the book to be edited or proofread. Is that what authors really want? For readers to think that the work is sub par before ever even reading a word?

 

Maybe the idea that nothing is ever really free comes into play. The price one pays for a free book is the aggravation of reading something that is not quite ready. For writers who give away carefully polished, edited and proofread books, the idea that there is a hidden “cost” might be unfair. So far, though, those have been few and far between.

 

Do you read free books? Does it bother you when they contain typos and errors? Would you rather pay a few dollars and expect an edited story or read what amounts to a rough draft for free? 

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For 15 years, my wedding set was in a dusty box in storage. The diamond had fallen out and instead of getting it repaired, I boxed it up for “someday.” My rings have an unusual history, and I knew nothing about the diamond. Lack of knowledge led to all sorts of questions:

-Was it really a diamond?
-Could my ring be repaired or would I need a new one?
-Was my diamond nice enough to merit the expense?
-How could I be sure an unethical jeweler wouldn’t steal my diamond and replace it with glass? Would I be able to tell?

 

I really had hoped to get the ring fixed for our 10th wedding anniversary, and took it to a jeweler a colleague recommended. He said he couldn’t tell me anything about the ring because it was too close to Christmas and he wasn’t doing any appraisals. I explained I didn’t really want a formal appraisal, and asked my questions. He said the setting could not be fixed and that I’d have to buy a new one, but still wouldn’t tell me anything about the diamond.

 

That made me sad because the engagement ring and wedding band are a set. Also, the settings the jeweler showed me were EXPENSIVE. So, the rings stayed in their dusty storage box.

 

My rings had belonged to my mom, and so were sentimental for several reasons: my mom died in a car accident when I was 16, so anything of hers feels important; my parents had a strong and happy marriage, and the rings are a symbol of that; and last but not least, they represent my own happy marriage.

 

Now, I have a friend who owns a jewelry store. We haven’t been friends for too long, and I only recently felt comfortable enough with her to ask about getting my ring fixed. When I did finally ask, she said, “Of course!” and was flabbergasted that the other jeweler told me it couldn’t be. She said he probably was just trying to sell an expensive setting. I also found out that my diamond is about 1/3 of a carat and almost perfect. She repaired it and it now lives happily on my left hand.

 

It took 10 years to reach this outcome. Ten years during which I just kept it put away and thought about it occasionally, wondering what I should do – try to save and buy a new setting or find another jeweler for a second opinion? In the meantime, life just kept on flying right by.

 

Waiting for something to happen regarding my ring turned out to be exactly the right thing to do. My friend not only fixed it, she said that it was a fairly easy fix and that she really enjoyed working on it. She didn’t even charge me for the repair. If I had tried to save the money to buy a new setting, I would have wasted at least $800 and ended up with a wedding set that didn’t even match – a worse outcome by far.

 

Although there is never any way to tell, sometimes doing nothing is the right thing to do. Of course, sometimes doing nothing will get you evicted or your lights turned off, so deciding when to do nothing is the challenge. In thinking about when I do nothing and it turns out for the best, I’ve identified a few indicators:

1. There are no deadlines. Nothing dire would happen if my ring were never fixed. I would have been sad about it, but our bills would’ve still been paid, our kids still healthy and we would have remained married. When you have a deadline, timely action is required.

2. Multiple decisions could be “right.” There wasn’t just one path to take, nor was one path more clearly visible than the others. Taking my ring to a different jeweler or buying a new setting or doing nothing were all equally appealing for different reasons.

3. No one else was impacted by my inaction. Having my  ring on my finger makes me happier than it does anyone else. It makes my dad happy because it brings back fond memories, but he doesn’t look at my hand and smile everyday the way I do. It makes my husband happy because he knows it’s something I wanted, but it wasn’t important to him either way. When you are the only one that either taking action or not will impact, then you have the freedom to do nothing without worrying about it.

4. There is no guilt associated with inaction. Many times my actions are based on how bad I will feel if I don’t take them. For example, I will feel bad if I don’t put away my clean laundry. So I do, and that is pretty much the only reason I do. No one else cares if my clothes are put away but me. I didn’t feel guilty about my ring though, and in fact, if I had spent a large amount of money on it, I probably would have felt at least a little guilty.

 

Have you ever put off taking action and had a better outcome because of it? Do you have a way of knowing when you should do something and when you should back off?  

 

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