Living in a small community means you often know things about strangers’ lives: who he’s related to, where she works, who her kids hang out with, where else he has worked, and a myriad other odd details. At the same time, you might not really know that person – around here people say, “I know of him.”

My family knew of one man who was a Dollar General cashier. He had another job as well. All four of us had a positive impression of him. He was always friendly and particularly polite. We even know that he lives on our street because we see his truck at a house about a mile away from ours. When we heard that he was fired from his second job for being rude, we were really surprised. We felt it was probably unfair. After awhile, he didn’t work at the Dollar General anymore, but showed up in the convenient store across the street. Again, we felt bad for the guy. He was clearly a hard worker, and willing to do whatever he needed to in order to have a job. Third shift in a convenient store can be a tough gig.

Then, one night, we were headed out of town and needed a bag of ice. We stopped at the store and the friendly cashier was working.

image courtesy of JorgeBRAZIL, via flickr.com

There was a group of teenage boys in line in front of my husband, who really just needed the key to the ice chest (really? people steal ice? geez.). My husband asked for the key. The nice man we thought so well of suddenly turned rude. He refused to give my husband the key, and acted like we were going to steal the ice.

Maybe he was afraid he would get in trouble for just handing over the key. Maybe he was worried about the group of teenagers stealing something. Regardless, he didn’t have to be rude. But he was. It ended up taking over 15 minutes for us to buy a $2 bag of ice, and we felt like suspects or something.

That one interaction changed everything we thought about this person. Now instead of saying “the nice cashier who lives down the street,” we say “that weird guy who used to work at the Dollar Store.” After hundreds of positive encounters, this ONE ugly one wiped away our good feelings toward this man. It didn’t have anything to do with customer service, although it was a bad experience on that level, too. What I’m talking about is much more personal.

Now when we run into this guy, or he is our cashier, we feel wary. We don’t know what to expect. Will he be nice? Will he imply we are thieves? How is he feeling that day?

It amazes me that one bad experience can outweigh hundreds of good ones. But, since the night we bought ice, I’ve observed the same sort of thing with other people – you think you have a comfortable – if shallow – relationship with them, then all of a sudden, things aren’t so comfortable.

As the owner of a small business, I’m finding an especially important lesson in these observations. Everyone has “off” days when we are maybe snippier than we realize. It’s scary to think that on one of those not-so-fabulous days I might unwittingly change how a long-term client views me and my business. Some client relationships take months or even years to build, and while I hope that after that much time, both parties would be a little more lenient with judgement, you never know.

Of course, I work hard to make sure my relationships with clients go a little deeper than my relationships with cashiers who work at stores nearby. But in one way it doesn’t really matter. A bad interaction can color the relationship, making it so that either party is looking for the negatives – and that is bad for a service provider who bases her prices partly on providing outstanding overall service.

I’m not sure there is a way to guard against coming across rougher than you intend to once in a while. The best we can do is try to understand when someone else does so in the hopes others will do the same for us. I’m going to try to think of the “weird guy” as a “nice guy” again, and just imagine that he was having a bad day and that he didn’t really think we would steal the ice.

Have you ever had one incident change the nature of a sales or customer oriented relationship?

For the last three years or so, I’ve been having breakfast with my grandfather a few times a week. When I told him I was not going to be looking for another “real job” after getting laid off, he approved and told me that it is possible to work for yourself, but it takes a lot of discipline. He was a first class mechanic, with specialized knowledge about hydraulics and welding machines. Even though he hasn’t taken on any jobs at all during the last few years, people still call occasionally and ask for his advice.

A few days ago, he went into a little more detail about why he chose to work for himself, despite the fact he was offered several tempting jobs. He said:

I was convinced that not knowing how much money I would make the next week was the best way to accumulate the things I wanted. And it worked. I did.

This is a whole new way to look at the idea of “feast or famine.” Most people see the cycle of making plenty of money and making almost no money as a barrier to running a business, an aspect of entrepreneurship to fret about and to try to avoid. My papaw raised five children and had many adventures and not only didn’t mind the booms and busts of running a business, but looked at those cycles as an advantage.

He went on to explain that if you know you are going to earn $300 next week, you will probably spend $298, but if you aren’t sure how much you will earn next week, you will most likely hold on to more of your money, just in case. Modern day experts tell you to build an emergency fund, but very few people ever tell you that the specter of a bad week or a bad month could be the way to riches.

Do you participate in writing challenges? I’ve never taken part in NaNoWriMo or anything like it, or even entered any kind of writing contest. I pay attention to them and am usually intrigued, but still stay sidelined. It could have to do with fear, which is strange. I’m not the least bit afraid to write to write samples for clients, and I never worry when I submit

photo courtesy Keith Williamson via flickr

work for review.

I hate the idea that I might not be doing something because of fear. That’s just silly, especially with the “something” would probably be fun. So, I’m going to give myself a small personal challenge: set aside a minimum of a half hour every day to work on personal projects. It doesn’t seem like much, but it’s more than I’m doing now.

Making time in your schedule to do the things that are important seems like a simple thing. A couple of years ago, I decided to begin dedicating time each week to fitness. It took a while to make the habit stick, even though it was something I wanted to do and really enjoyed. I’ve always made time in my life to read, and to spend time just hanging out with my family (as opposed to running here and there to scheduled events).

The thing is, when you decide you will spend an hour exercising, an hour writing, an hour doing household chores, a half hour reading, and then add those activities to your normal work schedule, and then make time for any family obligations, you might start to run out of hours. This is probably where most of us start whining about not having enough time. But, as I have said before, there is plenty of time to do the things that are important to you.

I’ll be flexible in my personal writing challenge – the post will count as today’s “personal project time.” But I will make writing my own stuff a priority. I may not be ready for the big NaNoWriMo push, but there are two or three other challenges that look interesting.

Do you participate in challenges? If you write for a living, do you work on personal projects also? Where do you fit that writing into your schedule?

Yesterday, I decided to go for a run. The weather was perfect, I had a handy-dandy, new pedometer to measure distance and an excuse to be down town, near the river park, which is perfect for running. Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Things went

Perfect for walking and jogging...

badly from the start.

First, I am currently covered in hives. If you’ve never had hives, add that to your list of shit you’re grateful for. Because, whether you know it or not, you are glad you’ve never had hives. The hives began appearing last Thursday or Friday, in their normal spot on my chin. I wasn’t worried until one of them began to grow and showed no signs of letting up. It would have been smart to start taking Benedryl at this point, but noooooo….. The nasty little blisters spread up my face next. I thought it was just a slightly worse case of the itchies than usual. Silly dava.

Next they spread down the other side of my face, behind my ears, on my scalp and down my chest. Then one of my eyes started itching and I started to worry. A hive in the eye? No, thanks! By Sunday night, I was scratching like crazy woman, and FINALLY decided it would be prudent to take some Benedryl. Duh.

The hives are part of an allergic reaction. I have no idea to what, but usually they appear in May and I think either privet or Bradford pear blooms are the culprit. This is the first time they have shown up in the fall. Besides hives, I also get an upset stomach, the shakes, endless headaches and mild heart “flutters” as my grandfather (who has the same sort of problems) says.

Deciding to go for a run wasn’t an earth shaking decision, but I did have to think about it. I had no idea if sweat would make the hives worse or if I would get all shaky and sick somewhere in the middle. Besides being hivey, I was overdressed. I live on a mountain and it was much cooler at home than in the valley. Then, my brand-spanking-new pedometer didn’t work. It said I had only gone 2 miles after an hour, less than half my normal pace. Just to top it off, my shoes made blisters at the base of my big toe on both feet.

It was miserable. By the time I got home, all I wanted was another dose of Benedryl to stop the headache.

Still, I was glad I went. It’s so easy to just not do something when you have an excuse like hives or headaches. But then, after you don’t do whatever it is, you feel bad about it, like a slacker. Feeling like a slacker in addition to itching all over really is the definition of misery! Regardless of the goal, doing something to get closer to it helps, even if you aren’t in the mood at that moment.

You might not feel better about it immediately, but you will later. You’ll look back and think, “Wow. I’m glad I made those 50 cold calls! I wouldn’t have these 4 new clients if I hadn’t.”

Have you ever done something you needed to do, even if the circumstances were less than ideal? Were you eventually glad you did, or did it backfire for you? 

Yesterday, I started writing a post to put right here. It was about all those posts that instruct us to be amazing, epic or otherwise phenomenal, and how they make me feel. You know the ones I’m talking about – they encourage ust to go out and do big things, to change the world, to make a difference. They always include some examples to inspire and to demonstrate that it’s possible, if you’re willing to sacrifice enough and to follow your dreams with enough dedication.

Writing it brought me to the realization that I prefer stories that are amazing on a personal scale. I like knowing about people who change their own worlds, whether the rest of us know about it or not. “Average” people put forth Hurculean efforts just to get by, and those stories are special, too.

People who give up jobs to care for aging parents may not be doing something that the rest of the world stands up and applauds, but you can bet that, to the parent being cared for, the sacrifice is huge. Contributing food to a shelter might not be worthy of the national news, but for the person who gets to eat dinner, it’s plenty important.  Overcoming addiction or losing weight or getting a higher education are the most personal kinds of accomplishments, but for the individuals who do those things, the world becomes a different place and thus, they have “made a difference.”

Have you saved a stray kitten recently? Provided dinner for a neighbor? Loaned a friend $10? Contributed to a charity? Donated blood? Complimented a stranger? Let someone go first in line at the store?

Everyday kind gestures and actions might not rock the world on a grand scale, but they do make a difference. Good deeds on a small scale deserve recognition and appreciation. Leave a comment and tell us about something small you’ve done or observed lately and let us applaud it.