Living in a small community means you often know things about strangers’ lives: who he’s related to, where she works, who her kids hang out with, where else he has worked, and a myriad other odd details. At the same time, you might not really know that person – around here people say, “I know of him.”

My family knew of one man who was a Dollar General cashier. He had another job as well. All four of us had a positive impression of him. He was always friendly and particularly polite. We even know that he lives on our street because we see his truck at a house about a mile away from ours. When we heard that he was fired from his second job for being rude, we were really surprised. We felt it was probably unfair. After awhile, he didn’t work at the Dollar General anymore, but showed up in the convenient store across the street. Again, we felt bad for the guy. He was clearly a hard worker, and willing to do whatever he needed to in order to have a job. Third shift in a convenient store can be a tough gig.

Then, one night, we were headed out of town and needed a bag of ice. We stopped at the store and the friendly cashier was working.

image courtesy of JorgeBRAZIL, via flickr.com

There was a group of teenage boys in line in front of my husband, who really just needed the key to the ice chest (really? people steal ice? geez.). My husband asked for the key. The nice man we thought so well of suddenly turned rude. He refused to give my husband the key, and acted like we were going to steal the ice.

Maybe he was afraid he would get in trouble for just handing over the key. Maybe he was worried about the group of teenagers stealing something. Regardless, he didn’t have to be rude. But he was. It ended up taking over 15 minutes for us to buy a $2 bag of ice, and we felt like suspects or something.

That one interaction changed everything we thought about this person. Now instead of saying “the nice cashier who lives down the street,” we say “that weird guy who used to work at the Dollar Store.” After hundreds of positive encounters, this ONE ugly one wiped away our good feelings toward this man. It didn’t have anything to do with customer service, although it was a bad experience on that level, too. What I’m talking about is much more personal.

Now when we run into this guy, or he is our cashier, we feel wary. We don’t know what to expect. Will he be nice? Will he imply we are thieves? How is he feeling that day?

It amazes me that one bad experience can outweigh hundreds of good ones. But, since the night we bought ice, I’ve observed the same sort of thing with other people – you think you have a comfortable – if shallow – relationship with them, then all of a sudden, things aren’t so comfortable.

As the owner of a small business, I’m finding an especially important lesson in these observations. Everyone has “off” days when we are maybe snippier than we realize. It’s scary to think that on one of those not-so-fabulous days I might unwittingly change how a long-term client views me and my business. Some client relationships take months or even years to build, and while I hope that after that much time, both parties would be a little more lenient with judgement, you never know.

Of course, I work hard to make sure my relationships with clients go a little deeper than my relationships with cashiers who work at stores nearby. But in one way it doesn’t really matter. A bad interaction can color the relationship, making it so that either party is looking for the negatives – and that is bad for a service provider who bases her prices partly on providing outstanding overall service.

I’m not sure there is a way to guard against coming across rougher than you intend to once in a while. The best we can do is try to understand when someone else does so in the hopes others will do the same for us. I’m going to try to think of the “weird guy” as a “nice guy” again, and just imagine that he was having a bad day and that he didn’t really think we would steal the ice.

Have you ever had one incident change the nature of a sales or customer oriented relationship?

Several months ago, my daughter’s beloved Dachshund  died. Her name was Babe and she and my daughter were best friends. Babe was supposed to have been my dog, but it was love at first sight for Babe and Stevie. We were never sure exactly how old Babe was because she was given to us by a friend, who got her from someone else, who’d gotten her

Babe

from an old lady, who’d gotten her from the pound.

Babe was always a stinky dog, and she got stinkier with age. It took me years to house train her, and even then she hated to go outside if it was cold or rainy. In other words, she was quite a lot of work. She was worth it though, because she was loyal and sweet. Babe lived with us for about 12 years.

Stevie, of course, was devastated. She almost immediately started reading ads on craigslist, saying that she didn’t really want another dog, but liked reading the ads and looking at the pictures. Her younger sister, Jodi, was sure that Stevie needed another dog right away, so she also started reading classifieds and breed descriptions and thinking about what kind of dog Stevie should have.

Eventually, of course, they read an ad they couldn’t resist because they are soft-hearted teenage girls. It was an ad for a poodle that had been rescued. They decided to just “go check it out.” Right. They came home with the funniest looking poodle I have ever seen. She was mostly blond, with a black tail, black ears and just enough black on her nose to make it look huge. The rescuer had been calling her Dawn and Stevie promptly renamed her Sparkles, which she answered to immediately.

Sparkles didn’t have any teeth, and had apparently never had too much affection. I petted her a little and she became very attached – like wouldn’t get more than about a foot away from me. At first, I tried to ignore her, in the hopes she would become attached to Stevie, but Stevie is rarely home and left for Bonnaroo a week after bringing Sparkles home.

So Sparkles became my dog. I’ve had lots of dogs, but never one who was quite so attached as Sparkles. She cried when

Sparkles

I left the house and slept by the door until I came back home. She slept under my desk all day and sat with me in the evenings. One day, she got covered in grass trimmings and was completely green because she followed me while I was weed-eating. When she went out she usually walked to the driveway, did her business and came back to the door. She didn’t seem to have any desire to run around and explore.

Yesterday, my husband came home for lunch and let her out, (I didn’t realize she was outside) and we haven’t seen her since. I’m sure that she wandered down the driveway, then got lost and confused. I’ve walked up and down the road looking for her and have asked a couple of neighbors if they saw here, and still have some hope that we will find her. She couldn’t have gotten too far. We will post lost dog signs this afternoon and ask the rest of the neighbors if they have seen her.

Thinking about Sparkles wandering around in the world lost got me to thinking about being lost – and finding your way – in all sorts of situations. Whether you are lost in life, lost for a minute, or you’ve lost direction professionally, just the sensation of not knowing the way is scary. (Poor Sparkles!)

If you are feeling lost in your business it is especially scary because (usually) your business is your livelihood. Plus, you want to appear confident to your clients, customers and competitors, right? You don’t want the world to know you’re lost. So, you try to hold your head up with a bright, happy smile and at least try to appear to know where you are going.

Sometimes projecting confidence is all it takes to get you headed in the right direction. Sometimes you need a map – a to do list or a business plan or an evaluation by a professional – to help you find your way. The important thing is to acknowledge your lost feeling, then do something about it. If you let yourself get too far off track, you might not find your way back.

I find that constant evaluation works best for me. Setting up a plan, then revisiting every month or quarter simply doesn’t work. I need to look at it everyday, sometimes multiple times a day, and ask myself, “Is what you are doing right now part of the plan? Are you getting closer to your goals?” Other people are able to head in the general right direction and get where they want to be without such rigid adherence to a written plan.

I need to go now, and make some signs that might help Sparkles find her way home, but I’d love to know: What do you do when you feel lost? Are you a go-with-the-flow kind of person or do you need a set of accurate directions?

Are you taking care of the basics? The stuff you know you should be doing, and that only rookies or arrogant suckers fail to do?

image courtesy of Nrico via flickr, click image to see his profile

If you aren’t, you are going to see a slow slide, followed by a painful THUMP. Then you are faced with the daunting task of climbing right back up.

I can tell you because I’m there. Rubbing my business bum and wondering how in the world I let this happen.

For months, I had a comfortable client list. Each of my clients was pleasant and the work was challenging, but not stressful. A few referral jobs here and there filled in any gaps in my schedule, and I had plenty of time for lunches with friends and working out and all sorts of other good things. So I left “marketing” on my to-do list week after week, and didn’t think too much about it. Yes, I’m hanging my head in shame. Such a common mistake! Who hasn’t read (or written!) a post about the importance of marketing even when things are going great?

Of course, even with the greatest client list on the planet, you are going to have some attrition. Things change, people move, businesses close and life generally happens. And such was the case for me – all at once, of course, because of some law written by some guy named Murphy.  Now, I’m scrambling with no one to blame but myself.

It was easy to let marketing go for several reasons. I didn’t really want to be too busy through the summer. I wanted to make sure my existing clients were well-served and happy. I wanted to see if it would be possible to work by referral only.

Excuses. Lame excuses.

If you are running a business that involves attracting customers (and what business doesn’t?) you have to keep on marketing. If your business is big and successful your marketing activities might take the form of networking, maintaining your brand, or simply responding to emails. For the rest of us, marketing is probably a much longer list of activities.

Over the weekend, I wrote a new plan. This one includes a heavy dose of daily marketing – but also a few “built-in” ways to market so that later, when my roster is full again, it will be easier to stay in the marketing habit.

It is difficult to publicly admit to such a silly mistake, but really, everyone messes up. Make me feel better: share your common business errors. Have you let your accounting go for too long? Stopped marketing and paid the price? Failed to respond to an inquiry? Surely I’m not the only one feeling the sting of embarrassment! 

When I was teaching, we went on professional development retreats each year. These events weren’t lavish or luxurious, but we did go to a hotel in a park in a beautiful setting and have professional speakers come talk to us about various topics. It

photo courtesy koalazymonkey via flickr

meant a weekend away from home, at the very end of summer, and I hated them.

I hated leaving my family for a weekend. I hated having to be my professional self (I always called “teacher dava” Mrs. Stewart and thought of her as an entirely different person that “regular dava”) for a whole weekend. I hated the idea of how much such a retreat must have cost, especially when compared to my annual salary.

But usually, the reality of the retreat wasn’t so bad. The speakers were always interesting and it was good to get excited about getting back in the classroom. It was useful to learn more about my profession. Getting to know my co-workers a little better created better understanding and made working together a little more comfortable. It wasn’t so bad.

The experience of having been a teacher helps me to be a better business owner. Just like I showed up on those retreats even though I didn’t want to, I sit down at my desk everyday and write for my clients, even when I don’t want to. It goes beyond simply having a good work ethic. One of the biggest complaints the teachers made about the retreat was that they felt the time would be better spent creating lesson plans or painting classrooms. Working wasn’t the problem. Showing up to do something we didn’t want to do was the problem.

There are parts of every job that are less fun or less interesting, but that still must be done. The odd thing is that we dread some of them so much, but then end up enjoying doing them. One task that writers often feel this way about is invoicing. Personally, I dread it and put it off until we are facing certain financial doom unless I do it, but then feel so happy and efficient when it’s done.

Today I am issuing a challenge: choose one task that you have absolutely been dreading – maybe some marketing, making a call you aren’t looking forward to, paying a bill, whatever – and do it. Then notice how you feel about it and let us know in the comments. (I’m going to feel like an idiot if no one does this so please, save me some embarrassment and make something up if you must.)

The task I was dreading? It was writing this post. I’ve been putting it off all week because writing here, in a personal way, as dava, is becoming increasingly difficult. Sometimes it feels like the more I write for others, the harder it is to identify my own voice and my own style. Now I feel better, though, just for showing up, even when I didn’t feel like it.

For years, we hosted a weekly Pizza Night. On Monday nights, we ordered pizza, had company over and generally started the week off with a small party. For a few months it was even “Pizza, PBR and a Published Work,” where we traded books, drank beer and ate pizza. It was awesome.

image courtesy of eamoncurry123 via flickr

Things changed. People moved away, children grew up and life pretty much went on. These days, Pizza Night is usually my husband eating pizza while I have a salad and our kids are at work. It’s a far quieter and less interesting affair than in the past. Last night, however, some friends who have moved away joined us for Pizza Night as a final “hoorah!” at the end of a week-long visit. LOTS of people came over to bid them farewell and enjoy some pizza.

It’s amazing how things change and how you adjust without even realizing it. Sometimes, thinking about how our weekly pizza extravaganza has become more of a time for quietly watching “Antiques Roadshow” I feel sad. Or maybe old is how I feel. Either way, it’s a nostalgic and wistful and not really happy kind of feeling.

But, during the festivities last night, I found myself missing the silence and ease of our new Monday night ritual. It’s not that I wished everyone would leave, but more that I felt relieved that it was the exception to the rule. It seems I have unwittingly adjusted to a different normal.

It’s amazing how that happens – how you can get used to, and even come to enjoy, things that seemed awful to you at a different stage of life. Or, conversely, how things you once loved can become burdensome.

My career is not at all what I ever dreamed it would be, but that’s okay, because it’s much better than anything I ever hoped for. When you can let go of any sort of preconceived expectations and begin to think about what feels right for YOU, life takes funny turns. You have to be willing to work hard, see things through and be nice to people for those turns to lead you somewhere pleasant, but choosing the proverbial road less traveled is both surprising and fulfilling.

Accepting the fact that life changes is sometimes difficult for me, but I am working hard to learn that there are almost always bright gems of happiness wrapped up those changes. It’s so easy to focus on the things that you must give up rather than recognizing the unexpected positive aspects of a new situation.

With the entire world seeing an enormous shift in where and how people work, many friends and family members are finding themselves without employment. So many people see losing a job as a huge crisis because all they can think of is the loss of a “steady” paycheck. The loss of a job can also be an opportunity to evaluate, and perhaps improve, your professional life. Not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur, but we could all stand to think hard about how we earn money once in a while.

Change is scary. No matter if it’s a change in income, status, housing, friendship or livelihood, when the unknown is involved, fear probably is too. The surprising, and lovely, thing is: One day you might find yourself blissfully happy and look around and think “How did this happen?”